This time you do it with your thighs. When a man comes on too strong and too hard and starts banging, just squeeze your thighs, which will clamp around his hips and keep his body from ramming your body, and slow him down. Slowly, as he finds out he can’t “bang” you because you won’t allow it, he’ll start to ease up his attack because he really can’t do anything else.
Now when I say squeeze your thighs, I mean take control. You have some very strong thigh muscles there that are hardly ever used, and the more you use them, the stronger they get. When you squeeze your thighs, you also control how much of his penis you allow inside you. Not only will he not be able to ram you, he will only be able to go in as much and as far as you want. So you can tease yourself with his penis and do all the things that he will do to you, only now you’re in charge. It’s not as super-duper as when he does it all, but you definitely can have an orgasm this way, and he will undoubtedly eventually become aware of what you want and what pleasures you.
Once you have shown a man that you know what you want, and he starts to pick up on it, and he knows that you know what you want, and he begins, gently and lovingly, to move in and out, you can begin to relax and let him take over.
And every time you make love and show him what you want and how you want it, he will subconsciously begin to remember, so that each time he’ll bang a little less hard and you won’t have to flex those thigh muscles as hard. Eventually (hopefully after only the first time, but maybe it’ll take two or more times), he will totally understand how you don’t want him to bang you, and how you do want him to make love to you in a really teasy and loving way.
When a woman is physically relaxed, she will be mentally and emotionally relaxed, too. If he gets too rough again, just flex those thigh muscles to signal him to gentle it (not that maybe later you won’t want it a little stronger, but you start with it teasy). Then, as he gently and lovingly and teasingly makes love, you can relax and begin to surrender yourself to him, slowly, as he will to you. Sexual surrender is the ultimate in trust—and the ultimate in pleasure. When you’re totally open physically, trusting mentally, and vulnerable emotionally is when the rockets explode.
And exploding rockets with the one you love is what life is all about!
I’m a total romantic. I believe in everything romantic. I believe love is the most important thing in the world. I know it is for me.
Whenever I talk about sex, I mean sex with love. Without love, sex is an exercise—a pleasant one, to be sure—but still just an exercise.
Aah, but sex with love … that’s the greatest experience in the world—bar none! I can’t think of one thing that feels better physically, mentally, or emotionally.
Now the ability to love is something we all have, but not all of us use it. There are lots of reasons for this. We’re afraid, we’re tense, we’re angry, we’re anxious, we’re depressed. Unfortunately, all of these negatives keep us from being loving. So it’s up to all of us to try as hard as we can to get rid of all the negs in our lives.
So I don’t want to talk about feeling loving, but feeling loved. Receptive to love. Opening yourself to love. Not feeling guilty or unworthy of love.
Here is my emotional exercise that I do every day of my life to help me feel loved.
Every morning, at the end of my twenty situps on my slant-board, I just lie there and close my eyes and totally relax (if you don’t have a slant-board, you can lie flat on your bed, without a pillow.) Then I remember emotionally what it was like when someone really loved me (mother, father, husband, wife—it makes no difference who, but you must remember the feeling of being loved, the wonderful physical glow, and warmth, and open feeling, of someone truly loving you).
This takes real concentration and you must be relaxed, but it’s really fun. Just be still and go back in time and remember incidents of being held by your mother, or hugged by your dad, or praised by either one of them. You might remember lying on a beach as a kid, under a warm sky, and seeing your mother or dad, and feeling secure and warm and loved with them sitting nearby. It doesn’t matter how you recapture the feeling of being loved, as long as something in your past warms you and opens you up emotionally in its memory.
While doing this, it’s very important to smile broadly, because that’ll help you to feel loved and happy. Again, you don’t force a smile when you feel truly loved, you can’t help but smile! So when you’re relaxed and smiling, you’ll know the right feeling is there.
My biggest problem was that I never felt I deserved anything. I felt only guilt for wanting good things for myself. Maybe it was my super-religious upbringing with hell and guilt, etc., or maybe it came from somewhere else, but there it was, coloring everything I did. No wonder I repelled myself from getting good things from my life-1 didn’t feel I deserved them. But doing this emotional exercise every day, and without exception, makes me know I’m loved.